If I had a pound for every time I heard a client say “I can’t record videos because I hate the sound of my voice!” then I’d be living in my dream home in Italy by now! ;-)
Seriously though, every new client I work with is given a questionnaire and asked what holds them back from speaking and one of the most popular answers is disliking the sound of their own voice.
Being a northern lass myself, I seem to attract a lot of other women from Yorkshire or Lancashire and so the most common phrase I hear is “I sound too northern” or “I sound too common” (said in a northern accent ;-))
Well, call me biased but I happen to think that the northern accent is interesting and engaging. We have colour and character to our voices and there are so many different dialects here in the north that make our accents unique!
There are a whole host of women from the north who’ve made their career from being unashamedly northern, think Sara Cox, Jane Horrocks, Lisa Stansfield, Sarah Lancashire - their voices are all unmistakable!
So, I’m on a mission to turn this around, by helping women like you to embrace your individuality and start using your voice to grow your business.
Why Do We Hate the Sound of Our Own Voice?
Let’s start with the science bit, bear with me while I get a bit geeky. When you speak, sound travels to your inner ear in two different ways - by air (external) and by bone (internal).
External - the sound that travels by air is the external sound transmitted outside your body, which everyone else hears.
Internal - the sound transmitted internally through vibrations in small bones inside your skull. When you speak you hear a combination of external and internal sound transmitted by air and bone, which is a totally unique sound that only you can hear.
Have you noticed that when you listen to a recording of your voice it sounds different to how it does in your head? This is because you are only hearing the sound that’s being conducted by air, which makes your voice sound higher and thinner than what you're used to, it doesn’t sound like you and it makes you cringe!
Here’s a video I’ve found where an expert explains this really well in under 3 minutes:
How is disliking your voice affecting your confidence?
Realising that this is how you sound all of the time could be the reason why you hate the sound of your own voice because it doesn’t sound like you expected. This feeling can be so intense that it stops you from doing anything where you can hear your voice like videos, podcasts or lives. For some people it stops them speaking up altogether which can seriously affect their business by:
1. Avoiding Speaking Opportunities - Not liking the sound of your voice could cause you to shy away from speaking engagements, interviews, and networking events, missing out on valuable opportunities to raise your profile and connect with potential clients or partners.
2. Low self esteem - If you don’t like the sound of your own voice then over time this can stop you from speaking up altogether. Sadly this leads to not feeling heard and this can seriously undermine your confidence, making you less assertive when it comes to speaking to clients, suppliers or anyone.
3. Poor communication - If you're overly self-conscious about your voice, you might speak quietly or quickly because you’re hoping no one will hear you. Not communicating clearly or effectively will affect how your message is received meaning you may not be taken seriously or seen as credible.
How can you overcome the fear of public speaking?
As with anything that’s new to you the best way to get better is with practice. Of course this may mean feeling uncomfortable for a while but you don’t have to throw yourself straight in at the deep end.
I’m sharing with you some simple strategies that I have used to develop my confidence in public speaking and I want to encourage you to do the same.
13 Ways to Practice Public Speaking When You Hate the Sound of Your Voice
1. Understand and Accept Your Voice
The first step towards overcoming your dislike of your voice is acceptance. I recently delivered a seminar where I spoke about this topic and everyone in the room was amazed that it wasn’t just them, everyone feels this way at some point. Your voice is a unique part of who you are, so learning to embrace it as a tool can help you to realise it’s something to improve over time.
2. Record and Review
Most of my clients recoil in horror when I first suggest that they record and review their voice! It’s literally the last thing they want to do but honestly if you listen objectively as though you’re listening to someone else it makes a difference. Listen for your voice's strengths and areas for improvement. Pay attention to your tone, pitch, and pacing. This practice can help you become more comfortable with the sound of your own voice over time.
3. Get Professional Feedback
Of course you’d expect me to say this as a public speaking coach! If you’ve never had professional feedback about your voice then I’d recommend working with a speech coach. If you’ve not seen it watch “The King’s Speech” where it shows how King George VI struggled terribly with nerves and was able to overcome his fear working with a coach. Practicing in a supportive environment with professional feedback can provide insights and techniques to improve your voice and speaking style, boosting your confidence.
4. Voice Training Exercises
You can stretch and develop your pitch and tone with voice training exercises. Simple exercises like humming, tongue twisters, and practicing scales can strengthen your vocal cords and improve your tone. Why not make it fun by practicing with a friend or family member?
If you need some motivation watch this video with the inimitable Cheryl Porter voice coach:
5. Practice with a mirror
Start by practicing your public speaking in front of a mirror. If you have a talk coming up, I recommend practicing it at least 3 times in front of a mirror. Hearing yourself say the words out loud will help you to feel more comfortable and seeing yourself in the mirror helps you to focus on your body language. You could take this a step further and ask family or close friends to watch. Their constructive feedback and encouragement can help you gain confidence and become more accustomed to hearing your voice in a public setting.
6. Focus on the Message, Not the Voice
Shift your focus from how your voice sounds to the message you want to get across to your audience. When I first started public speaking in 2010 I was incredibly nervous, but I was so determined to help other people that I managed to push through the fear. When you concentrate on sharing your knowledge and engaging your audience, you'll be less preoccupied with your voice and more confident in what you’re saying.
7. Visualise Success
Visualisation techniques can be incredibly powerful. Spend a few minutes each day imagining yourself speaking confidently and engaging your audience. You can do this before your next Zoom meeting, spend a minute visualising your conversation and imagining a positive outcome. This mental practice can reduce anxiety and improve your overall performance.
8. Join a Public Speaking Group
Joining a public speaking group provides you with regular opportunities to practice speaking in a supportive environment. Being with other people who are also working on their speaking skills helps you to feel more comfortable practicing. In our group, as well as coaching from myself, you’ll also receive constructive feedback from other members which helps you to become more comfortable with public speaking.
9. Get Physical
Your voice sounds different depending on if you’re sitting or standing. If you’re sitting slumped in a chair this can restrict your diaphragm and stop the air from flowing making your voice sound different. Standing up raises your energy and helps you to project confidence. If you want a real challenge try walking and talking, it’ll help you develop your courage speaking in public.
10. Read a Book out Loud
Reading material that doesn’t belong to you helps to de-personalise public speaking and make your practice more subjective. I recommend reading children’s books in particular because they naturally encourage you to get into character and experiment with your voice. This can really help you to develop your pitch and tone to create more engagement with your audience - plus it’s great fun!!
11. Seek Inspiration from Role Models
Identify public speakers you admire and study their techniques. Notice how they use their voices, engage with their audience, and convey their messages. Emulating their techniques can help you develop your own style and improve your confidence.
12. Practice makes progress
Improvement comes with continuous practice and patience. Set small, achievable goals for your public speaking practice and track your progress. When I first started public speaking I kept a journal to track each and every time, what went well and what I’d improve next time. Over time, you'll become more comfortable with your voice and more confident in your speaking abilities.
13. Celebrate your success
Practicing speaking takes time and you’ll need courage to go beyond your comfort zone. Once you’ve been practicing a while you’ll start to feel good about your progress and it’s at that point that you need to start celebrating your success. Share your progress within your community, celebrate your wins and be proud of what you’re achieving.
Which of these strategies appeal to you? Where are you going to get started?
Hating the sound of your voice is a common obstacle, but it doesn't have to be a permanent road block. Remember, your voice is a powerful marketing tool—embrace it, elevate it, and it will help you grow your business.
Bold Moves Coaching is here to support ambitious business women like you to elevate your voice, become more visible and empower you to achieve your business goals.
I’d love to invite you to watch my FREE webinar, Elevate Your Voice (plus, you'll get a FREE Workbook to complete alongside it!)
Photos courtesy of Liz Henson Photography
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